In Maximum Influence, author Kurt W. Mortensen states, “The Law of
Esteem identifies that all humans need and want praise, recognition, and
acceptance” (Mortensen 70). I feel that this law suggests that the more you
offer praise and make someone feel valued, the more persuasive you will be. I
use the Law of Esteem daily, but not with the intention to persuade people.
Every day I try to praise people sincerely whether it is my family, friends, or
strangers. I always tell my mom that the dinner she cooks is amazing because she
was given cooking lessons from the Gods. I just want to let my mom know that I
greatly appreciate the effort she puts into every meal. In school I will praise
my fellow classmates (who I am in a group with) that their ideas are great to
show I appreciate their contributions. I plan on using praise as a persuasive
technique to see if I can be successful with such an intention in mind.
Hopefully I will come to understand what it takes to use this law effectively,
so I can use it effectively as I embark on my career aspirations.
An example of the Law of Esteem in action is in a boss
and assistant relationship. Consider a situation in which the assistant
schedules all of the boss’ meetings, acquires new clients, and even picks up
lunch. In a sense, the assistant does all of the little things which contribute
to the boss’ big success. If the boss doesn’t praise and acknowledge the
assistant’s hard work, he may begin to feel unappreciated. The assistant may be
far less likely to want to do things for the boss because he feels like he has
to; it is only part of the job. If the assistant doesn’t like the work, the
quality of it may be less than adequate. As a result, the boss’ success may
diminish because he didn’t give the praise to the assistant that would motivate
him to want to help the boss. In order to use this law in a more successful
manner, this boss should offer praise where it is needed and deserved. As a
result, the assistant will be persuaded to want to do quality work because he
knows it won’t go unappreciated.
I use the Law of Esteem as much as I can when it comes to
my sister and her academics. That is, I always offer praise to her when she
gets good grades to let her know that good
things come from good grades. My goal is to persuade her to continue to
do well in school, while also reminding her to stay humble and put in the
effort that is necessary to succeed. Since she never performs poorly in school,
I try to let her know that she isn’t perfect without sending a negative message
to her. I want to keep her ego in check (not to high or low) so she can
continue to succeed in school, like she is, with flying colors.
My final example is centered around the concept of
ingratiation. According to Kurt W. Mortensen, “Ingratiation is gaining favor by
means of a deliberate effort, such as compliments, flattery, and agreeableness”
(Mortensen 75). Many people may refer to this as sucking up or brown-nosing,
but it works because it increases likability and promotes an increase in
self-esteem. Take for example if a boss was about to chose between two of his
workers for a promotion. Both workers are equal in their ability to do their
jobs, and they both want that promotion. While one worker continues to do his
job in an exemplary manner, the other worker takes things a step further by
utilizing the concept of ingratiation. He constantly praises his boss’ hard
work, compliments his outfit daily, and always sides with the boss. In
addition, he uses the power of apology to remind his boss that he is in power
and that the worker is below him. In the end, the ingratiator got the promotion
by persuading his boss through praise, compliments, and boosting his
self-esteem (Mortensen 75-76). Kurt W. Mortensen says it best that, “Our esteem
is so starved that we accept any flattery or praise we can get” (Mortensen 75).
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